dfriend: You’re so hot, probably a phone operator in your previous life.

me: Yeah, we specialize in customer service. Our policy is to satisfy our callers to our “breast”” abilities

tv has more lies than truths.

online has more truths than lies.

dman: we are octagon

me: (makes a square representing us) you complete me D:

dman: okay we arent octagon 

me: I live 4 you

dman: lol

me: without you there is no “point,” no “angle” in life

dman: you’re so lame 

me: you “shape” my life up

friend: Oh i almost forgot my screws in this box

me: You almost got “screwed” over

————————————————————————-

dman: dude im so hungryyyyy

me: aahh get foodin

dman: but your hands so far (dman think hands are delicious)

me: they not “finger” food

—————————————————————————

dman: I got a 5 star meal with me (flashes a kitkat)

me: oh “give me a break”

‎(falls racing bf down rocky hillside and bleeds)

me: sorry, I “fell” behind. I think I “scrapped my knee falling for you.”

bro: my goldfish is officially two years old

me: you mean o’-fish’-icially

me: Shower in the cold. To not get cold is to never feel warm.

friend: I did before when like my water heater broke. I don’t like.

me: You need to do it for a week….or you’re just “weak”

====================================================

me: This must be at least 20 karat(carrot) gold 

(Friend talking about how her friend thought he saw me at the gym)

me: Trick him into still thinking its me.

      He might need to try to “jog” my memory though.

[altered for ha ha purposes]

(Chilling on a bed)

bud-D: I’m lying to you.

me: Of course ya lying…down!

—————————————————————————————————-

me: That grass is fake like Barbie.

bud-D: Yeah, all they need now is “implants.”